still pregnant! but she could come any time now–13 more days until her official due date, and my doctor won’t let me go more than a week beyond that.
stretch marks, symptoms, no sleep and nonexistent exercise (it hurts to walk, seriously!) are all the same. i’ve gained 24lbs total so far and i’m hoping that i’ll keep it under 30lbs, but who knows, i’ve been awfully hungry lately and i just eat whatever since i don’t know how much of that i’ll be able to keep down anyway. some days are worse than others.
today i am not feeling so great. i went home in the middle of sunday school because i got sick from breakfast (a peach–my baby rejects everything and anything sometimes). and this week has been another sleepless week–i’ve gotten into a pattern of falling to sleep for an hour, then waking up to get sick, then trying to fall asleep sitting up in the living room. usually i can manage to fall asleep sitting up, after a few hours, but some nights i can’t, so i just stay up and watch old episodes of Design Star online, or read my interlibrary loan books, or read my literary study bible.
i’ve been reading through 10 chapters a day for the last week or so, which has been great for late nights sitting up on the couch. i started in the old testament, and even having gone to a christian high school and college, i am learning a Ton! i hadn’t heard a lot of those old testament stories in a long, long time, and i don’t know if i’ve ever read the bible straight through, cover to cover, before.
its been a particularly good time for it–besides the fact that i have the time right now, i’ve been getting more and more nervous and stressed about the labor and delivery, and it helps me to read all these stories of God’s provision to Israel as a nation and to individuals too (I’m in 2 Samuel now). even though i have the head-knowledge of it, i still need to be told or to read that God will take care of me, again and again. as much as i am excited to hold my baby for the first time and to meet her, i’ve never done this before and it makes me a little scared, not knowing what to expect–and no matter how much i read or what people tell me, i’m really not going to know what its like until i go through it.
ah! i really am scared! i hope that is ok to admit. not just the hospital part–i’ve never taken care of a baby before. i’ve never even changed a diaper before! and they’re going to send this helpless little creature home with me. i’m praying that he’ll make me capable…i guess if he can make a shepherd boy a king, he can make me a good mom….