feeling good. halfway(almost) there. i’ve had lots of strange dreams lately–i was writing them down, but i have usually two or three a night so it became too much to keep up with. also. i think my belly is starting to almost get into the cute stage–so expect pictures soon.
i read through a book about nursing this past week; a good bit of it was helpful, particularly the advice on how to handle undealt-with emotions about the first-time-around. one of the things the book recommends is journaling about it, so i’m giving that a try. i’ve tried to talk about it and write about it, but unless the person i’m talking to is another woman who has been through it, then i feel like it is impossible for them to really understand. there are so many thoughts that run through the mind when it doesn’t work–mistrust in the capability of your body, anger at yourself, feeling like a failure as a mother. before it comes time for the next baby, i need to get to a place where if it doesn’t work out, i’ll be fine.
journaling has somehow led to listing. i love to make lists. so right now i am working on my list of rules for myself pre-and-post baby. there were things i did last time–like trying to immediately cook and clean and housekeep just like i used to pre-baby, right after zu was born–that i have no intention of doing this time. that i will Not Allow myself to do this time. some of them are nursing related, but many of them are just for-the-sake-of-my-sanity related. a few items from the list:
10. REST–cooking and cleaning can wait!
11. If well-meaning people start asking questions or giving advice that makes you uncomfortable or stressed, end the conversation.
12. Wear jammies, lots of jammies.
its not in any particular order. i plan on adding to the list as journaling reveals more things that i need to add to the list.
thursday is my next ultrasound–we’ll find out the gender! any guesses? bryan and i both think we’re having another girl, but bryan hopes for a boy. if i have to say i hope one way or another, it’s for another girl, but that is probably because i love zu so much and want her doubled. either way, we’re just excited to have another cutefaced baby running around this house!