As an INTJ personality (like Princess Elsa, minus the ice powers), i’ve always found it difficult to make friends (so an extra thank you to those who are reading this who are my friend—I know how much work I am!). I don’t “open up” quickly and, when I do, I honestly just don’t have as much emotion as 99% of women that I know, so I think I’m maybe somewhat of a disappointment in that sense. Most women that I’m friends with have husbands with INTJ personalities so I think that helps them “get” me a little better, but anyway, I know I’m not easy.
Making mom-friends is harder and easier than making high school friends. Easier in that I know a lot more about how to relate to people than I did in high school and I also Care a lot more about making friends (which I did not in high school—either like me or don’t) because I can see the importance of community now. It is harder in that being a mom doesn’t leave much time for making friends and parenting styles and choices are all very different—It is easy to step on toes or to not live up to what another mom thinks is good parenting.
Women Are Scary by Melanie Dale outlines the different types of mom-friendships and stages of becoming a mom-friend. It’s supposed to be written in a funny tone which at first made me want to put it down—I hate books that feel like every paragraph is waiting for a laugh-track. I thought for the most part it was only sort of “eh” level of funny, except for the stories about her kids, which did genuinely make me laugh. Honestly though, the book didn’t need the comedian type of voice to it to be a good book–overall, I thought the information was useful, and that many women could benefit from reading it.
There are lots of good tips on conversation starters, how to deal with moms you aren’t completely connecting with, not judging a mom before getting to know her (I’m bad about that!), and places to meet other moms. I think the most important thing I learned from this book was that I should pursue friendships that I want to have—if I meet a cool mom and want to be her friend, I should get her number and ask her to meet us at the park or playplace or whatever. I’m not naturally very forward with those types of things, but I do know from experience that it feels GREAT to be pursued as a friend, and the worst thing that can happen is she can say “no thanks” or “get away from me you are weird”.
Having just moved to a new town, I think I read this book at a good time. Being hugely pregnant (6 more weeks!), making friends hasn’t been high on my priority list, and reading this book reminded me to keep my eyes (and *heart*) open to new possibilities and new relationships, whenever they present themselves.
So if you live in our New Town you should be friends with me—I promise I won’t judge you for your homeschooling/gluten-free/allergies/vaccinations/breastfeeding/politics/organicness, if you don’t judge me for having no idea what tv show you are talking about and letting my children exclusively wear dress-up-princess-clothes to just about any occasion they want. Let’s be friends =)
(i received this book for free from booklook for review)