every time i get up to feed wendy in the night (which is still more times than it should be), i pray over her as i lay her back down in her crib. i pray for all the good things anyone would want for their children–salvation one day, a healthy mind and body, a godly future spouse, safety and protection from the evils of the world.
one thing i have been struggling with the past six months or so is how can we trust God when he does not promise to protect our children? there’s the verse that says if you ask for bread, your father isn’t going to give you a snake; but there’s also hebrews 11 (i think?) that says some by faith were saved but some by faith were ripped to bits by lions, etc. so i don’t think God promises that he will protect our children. jesus prayed to not go to the cross if there was another way, and he still had to suffer. so i pray that my children will be safe, knowing that God may choose to not answer that prayer the way i want him to.
this idea i think i learned in my strict-baptist-christian private school when i was little sneaks in–that if we do 90%, god will do the other 10% (god helps those who help themselves). then i try to take on the role of “god” by protecting my children the best i can from every foreseeable danger, then trusting God for those other things that i absolutely can’t control–tornadoes, war, cancer.
i read today daniel 4:34-35
I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him “what have you done?”
in give them grace, elyse fitzpatrick writes “a strong successful family may not be the way he has chosen for us to glorify him. Perhaps his goal is that we glorify him by demonstrating weakness and even failure.”
i had a friend who told me recently that when she feels anxious, she follows her anxieties to their worst conclusion–with worries about her children, sometimes the worst conclusion is that they could die; but if they do, its the Lord’s will.
how to rest in that? how to accept it?
well this blog is more for writing about my questions than my answers, since i have so few of those.