a 2nd birthday

Kit would be 2 years old today.

I know exactly what a 2 year old little girl is like–I’ve already raised 4–the little soft baby-hair pig tails, the pull-ups, the toddling walk and chubby legs.

What makes the grief of losing a baby so difficult is the mother/baby bond. My body can’t stop looking for her.

A baby grows in the mother, then depends on her for everything, and then less and less and less as the baby becomes a child, becomes a teen, an adult.

That less and less is beautiful and needed and wonderful, and it is a slow letting go that the mother must do to allow the child to become the adult person they were created to be.

I had to let go very fast. Actually, I didn’t let go at all, she was pried from my fingers.

There was no handing off of And-Now-This-Is-Yours with her self-care and self-feeding, her running and climbing. There was no letting her adventure further and further out until she was on her own. My body can’t stop looking for her.

We frost pink cupcakes again, but we don’t sing. We bring flowers to her grave, and drive away somewhere far and quiet.

She won’t be there, either.

1 Comment

  1. So sorry Renee. I feel for what you are going through. My heart aches forall that you are feeling. God loves you so much…He has given you 5 other beautiful children! Even tho you miss Kit terribly, she is a happy little girl in the arms of Jesus! And you will see her again someday. Love and prayers, Meme Steiger

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s